Beware false humility...
“It’s a trap!”
I’m reminded of this dramatic line from Star Wars when I think about false humility. Because it’s as dangerous as it is subtle.
Before defining some terms and unpacking this assertion, allow me to provide some context. Patrick Lencioni’s fable and model, The Ideal Team Player, is an excellent contribution to team development. In it he lays out three human qualities or virtues necessary for effectively engaging in teamwork—team members need to be humble, hungry, and “smart.” Let me briefly define these qualities, then focus on the first one.
Humble: living with an accurate understanding of who we are. Each person is uniquely and intrinsically valuable due to being created and loved by God. Thus it’s a mistake to overvalue ourselves through arrogance; it’s also a mistake to undervalue ourselves—more on that below.
Hungry: having internal drive and motivation—a healthy and stable desire to take on challenges, learn new things, improve, and grow.
Smart: Lencioni here means “people smart”—being natural and effective relationally— in conversations, relationships, team meetings. Not being awkward, not missing social cues.
If a person is weak in one or more of these virtues, it will affect their capacity to engage effectively in teamwork. For example, the not-so-hungry person will not want to face and correct performance or teamwork deficiencies. The person who struggles with “smart” will struggle to quickly build rapport and trust with teammates. What about issues with humility?
When we think of a non-humble person, we typically think of arrogance, rightly so. As Lencioni points out, arrogance is an obvious destroyer of teamwork. The arrogant person is selfish, will not want to take direction or criticism, and will be more interested in his own agenda and performance than that of the team. Invariably, he will be more interested in these things at the expense of the team—and politics, division, tension, and chaos will tend to follow.
But there’s another way to violate humility—when a team member undervalues himself. This is called false humility because while it may appear humble—a person like this does not draw attention to themselves, isn’t interested in power-plays—it in fact is not. It’s a different kind of selfishness, sharing with arrogance a common root of insecurity. Lencioni, quoting C.S. Lewis, notes that “a humble person doesn’t think less of themselves, but thinks of themselves less.” The truly humble person is secure, comfortable in their own skin. I sometimes define humility as “selfless confidence.”
How then does false humility with its subtlety affect a team? Typically a falsely humble person will:
Not speak up about issues and concerns due to a lack of courage—thus a team misses their perspective
Struggle to take initiative for fear of rejection or failure—thus a team lacks some of their “hunger”
Overthink and/or doubt themselves resulting in delayed decisions or no decisions—thus slowing a team down
Not challenge teammates—“maybe it’s just me”—thus a team won’t have opportunity to improve as readily
Not admit weaknesses and faults readily as they may feel too ashamed to do so—thus affecting the candour and trust on a team, and all that results from this.
Does anyone on your team struggle with false humility? Do you? Can you see its effects?